Sunday, January 31, 2010

365 Seinfeld

Well today’s reference was very easy. I was watching Saturday Night Live and I became overwhelmed with sleepiness. My legs always ache when I’m over tired. I stood up and told my family, “I got the jimmie legs. I’m going to bed.” Just like Sarah Silverman when she was dating Kramer. The time was 12:05 am, so I was already set.

Saturday, January 30, 2010

365 Seinfeld

My husband got a haircut today and I tagged along. For the first time in two weeks, the sky was blue and it was a pleasant temperature. We walked around town and stopped in front of a very elegant Chinese Restaurant. We looked at the outside menu and my husband said pointed out the Kung Pao. I said, “George likes his chicken spicy!”

Friday, January 29, 2010

365 Seinfeld

I told my husband, “Wow, I really need a haircut. My hair looks all scraggly.” Hubby’s reply, “You’re all craggly!” One of my all time favorite episodes when Kramer messes up his face with all the smoking.

Thursday, January 28, 2010

365 Seinfeld

My reference came first thing this morning. Before I explain, just know that at no time did my husband have his pants around his ankles, splayed out on the ground. Heavens no! We simply were getting ready this morning and I walked into the room while he was in mid-change. I felt I had to say, “And you want to be my latex salesman?” Enough said.

Wednesday, January 27, 2010

365 Seinfeld

My daughter told me today that she had a conversation with her friend about how delicate people in movies cry. No red face or snot. She said she couldn’t stop thinking about Jerry crying and saying, “What’s this salty discharge?”

Tuesday, January 26, 2010

Song of the Week

Erotic City – Prince
I LOVE Prince! I had the poster from the Controversy album in my teenage bedroom. My kids do not understand my love for Prince, but I know you do. Prince doesn’t write dirty little songs like Erotic City anymore. Too bad. I loved nasty Prince. When Prince was bad, he was very bad. Unlike today’s Lily Allen or James Blunt who throw in an obligatory F-word, Prince says the F-word about 20 times in a scant 3:55 minutes. Show em’ how it’s down Prince!

365 Seinfeld

The whole family contributed to today’s quote. My husband was helping our son with math. I was sitting at the computer and my daughter was walking by. Just then my husband said, “See. It’s linear.” I yelled over, “Hey, why isn’t it called linner?” My daughter knew it was a Seinfeld quote, but she forgot it was Janeane Garofalo, (our fav from Reality Bites) that said this line to Jerry.

Monday, January 25, 2010

365 Seinfeld

I told my daughter that when she opened the bathroom door, I thought there would be a bright red light shining through and she’d rub her eyes, “That light is burning my brain.” It didn’t happen though because they didn’t open a Kenny Rogers Chicken across the street.

Sunday, January 24, 2010

365 Seinfeld

I realized there was still three lime Miller Chill’s in my refrigerator today. I was happy to see them and told my husband that even though my sister did not care for them, I enjoyed their lightness and thought they tasted good with food. My husband responded, “They’re very refreshing!” Just like Kramer’s Junior Mints!

Susan Boyle - I Dreamed A Dream

CD Review

I was not planning to purchase Susan Boyle’s CD, I Dreamed A Dream. I do find her voice hauntingly beautiful, but her style is not quite my cup of tea.

However, my brother-in-law purchased it and allowed me a listen. I must say, I was pleasantly surprised. It’s an enjoyable CD with several stand out tracks.

At her best, I hear hints of Kate Bush. Overall, though, each note is so carefully executed that the end results lacks any true soul. I’m screaming for her to relax and have some fun.

My favorite track is her rendition of Madonna’s We’ll See. This particular song shows me what a future Susan Boyle can be. I truly hope she’s not a one-hit wonder that slips into obscurity. She has something to offer to the musical world and as she gains experience, I think she’ll produce a CD that’s more far reaching than this freshmen effort.

Saturday, January 23, 2010

RIP Tonight Show with Conan O'Brien

Conan O’ Brien has his head in the right place. He appreciates the life and good fortune he’s had up until now. Maybe he got a raw deal from NBC, but if this whole incident never happened, this underappreciated guy may never have found out how much we all love him.

So many years ago people screamed, “Conan who?” when he took over for David letterman at 12:35. That was the last time the talk show wars heated up and everyone was so focused on Letterman and Leno, O’Brien basically hid under the radar and had time to hone his craft. NBC cut him some slack then, but now NBC is in fourth place, (back then there wasn’t even a fourth place) there’s no time to prove yourself. It’s sink or swim.

Leno in prime time was one of the worst decisions in programming history. TV insiders felt NBC cheapened the time slot and fans of Leno, never had to give Conan a shot. Then people found out about Letterman’s liaisons. His rating went through the roof as everyone wanted to see him talk his way out of it. It seemed that everything was stacked against Conan succeeding.

For me, I was a Conan fan from early on. He’s funny and smart and has a “regular guy” appeal. The seventeen years Jay Leno hosted The Tonight Show, I maybe watched a handful of times. His humor does not gel with me. I don’t like the man on the street stuff where people are flustered, say something dumb and you display it as “look how stupid people are!” It’s odd to me that he has this nice guy image because segments like that are mean-spirited in my opinion.

NBC has bent over backwards to make room for Leno’s return, wasted a 30 million dollar studio and sent a talented guy, who could take them into the new decade, packing. Maybe we’ll never truly know what motivated these seemingly, stupid moves by the network. All Conan do now is look for green pastures. I’ll watch any show he gets and let’s hope he can keep the entire cast and crew intact.

Next week they’ll air repeats until the Winter Olympics begin, then Jay Leno will take his old seat starting March 1st. I will remind you all not to watch. Not even out of curiousity! We have to band together and send NBC a message. I considered boycotting all NBC shows, but I do enjoy the Thursday night lineup. I hope Leno is prepared for the backlash. He has blood on his hands this time, no one is buying his, “The network wouldn’t let me go” B.S. Conan just proved that it possible to walk away.

I guess I’ll go back to The Colbert Report at 11:30pm. Once Conan took over, I started watching the Colbert re-broadcast the following day at 7:30pm. Ah Conan, I will miss the string dance, La Bamba and the funny banter with Andy Richter, but hopefully, I won’t be lonely for long.

We love you Conan. Thanks for a great seven months!

Watch his beautiful farewell speech and try not to cry. A true class act who can appreciate the lucky breaks and good fortune he's received in life. Thanks for the memories Conan.

365 Seinfeld

Today I was in Costco with my husband. Believe it or not, we didn’t buy anything. We looked at many things that it would be cool to buy. They had all these gift cards you can purchase for movie tickets, King Tut exhibit and so on. I saw one for California Pizza Kitchen, which my two brother-in-laws love. I told my husband, “That would be a nice joint Christmas present for them. That and then an individual gift for each.” He replied, “And that would good too.” This is when Jerry and Elaine are trying to work out a friendship where you can have sex sometimes. Jerry says about their friendship, “This is good,” then he points to the bedroom, “and that would be good too.”

Friday, January 22, 2010

365 Seinfeld

My husband asked me to start gathering any tax info I can find. He said, “You gotta prepare.” I answered, “You gotta mulch!” That’s from the serenity now episode were Kramer builds Anytown USA in the apartment complex hallway.

Thursday, January 21, 2010

365 Seinfeld

This one is a repeat, but it is one of my favs. Today I got an e-mail from a co-worker saying that he attended a meeting in the morning and brought a bunch of leftover bagels AND cream cheese. I replied my favorite Kramer line, “Bagels? Oh, you’re scratching me right where I itch!”

Wednesday, January 20, 2010

365 Seinfeld

We often watch repeats of “That 70”s Show.” Tonight’s episode had Hyde telling a reluctant Kelso that he was Jughead from the Archie comics. My daughter, however, said that her favorite Archie reference was when Kramer referred to George as “Mr. Weatherby.”

Idol Chatter

My kids thought this guy was hysterical! They did not believe me when I said he was emulating a singer that was a million times worse and very creepy. THen I showed them this.

Tuesday, January 19, 2010

365 Seinfeld

It’s raining buckets today so I decided to wear a hat. Now I have horrendous “hat hair.” I’m waiting till my daughter gets out of shower. Just hearing the shower made me tell my husband that I feel like I have the low-flow showerhead hair that Jerry, Kramer and Newman had. I can sympathize; it’s not a good look.

Song of the Week

Breakout – Swing Out Sister
At work I listen the KKSF smooth jazz on my computer. I hear the expected songs like Dave Koz and Kenny G, but last week they played Swing Out Sister’s Breakout! I got all warm and fuzzy hearing this song after so many years. Of course, I immediately ran home and downloaded it from iTunes. A search of Swing Out Sister shows them still touring in Europe. It’s great to know that they are still performing. Here’s the video from 1987. See how the neon colors made us happy! You’ll do a little jig and it’ll put a smile on your face.

Monday, January 18, 2010

365 Seinfeld

On the way home from grocery shopping I was telling my husband about the current book I’m reading.
“So the book talks about how family, your upbringing, even your belief system can be causing you stress.”

My husband answered, “I’m fascinated by your belief system.”

“What?” I asked.

“That’s what Krueger said to George in the festivus episode.”

Leno Clip about the change

Well isn't this interesting?

Sunday, January 17, 2010

365 Seinfeld


I’m watching The Golden Globes and Mad Men just won Best Drama. I see Christina Hendricks up on stage and I can’t help but say, “They’re real and they’re spectacular!”

Leno vs Conan - On and On

The drama surrounding the Leno/Conan controversy continues to be a major entertainment news topic. As we uncover past statements and strategic moves by both Jay Leno and NBC, Conan only looks more spurned than ever.

This whole situation pushes our buttons because it reflects what is currently going on in so many Americans lives. Corporate America made promises to many people and then labeled them “expendable” as soon as something more lucrative entered the picture.

We now live in a working society where there’s no gold watch waiting for us or even a “nice job” pat on the back. No, we are asked to put our jobs first, above our families, and make the companies we work for number one in our lives. Our working mantra is “I’m lucky to have a job.” It’s no wonder, that even though we don’t make millions of dollars, we have a very visceral feel when it comes to how Conan is being treating by NBC.

In the past couple of weeks, Conan’s ratings have soared. We’re tuning in every night to vicariously live through him as he sticks it to NBC. At this point, the situation is unfixable in the sense that NBC can no longer salvage its relationship with Conan. Sure O’Brien is set to get a huge buyout, but much like a professional athlete, the money is nice, but you live to play the game. Conan will be back and though the experts say that Leno will once again emerge unscathed, don’t be so sure.

Leno may win back his old viewers at 11:35, but it’s our numbers that cannot be counted on. People on Team Conan is the demographic that these bigwig executives cannot seem to understand. Most of us grew up with cable and our kids experienced a variety of choices on television their entire lives. This 25-49 demographic is a new beast. We’re not going to watch Leno because nothing else is on. Not only can we watch infomercials, we can play videos and power up our laptops to watch YouTube, or watch whatever is waiting in the wings on our DVR lists.

Then, once Conan re-tools and joins FOX, we’ll all be ready for him. Don’t forget the fact that FOX will actually promote Conan’s show…something NBC failed at miserably. They spent so much advertising revenue on Leno’s move to primetime, it’s a wonder anyone even knew that O’Brien was taking over The Tonight Show.

I expect Conan’s supporters to come out in full force, and much like Jon Stewart and Stephen Colbert, it’s likely that Conan will be happier in the end. He’ll have a bit more freedom at FOX. They will not expect or need him to bring in the kind of numbers NBC wanted. The pie, however, will be sliced too thin at this point and someone will need to go. My prediction is that Jimmy Kimmel will suffer the first blow, and then NBC will have to finally concede and can Leno once and for all. Our sweet “deer in the headlights” Fallon will end up with the coveted Johnny Carson seat and he will finally give NBC what they wanted all this time. I’ll still be watching Conan though.

Saturday, January 16, 2010

365 Seinfeld


So I actually had three references today. The first was early this morning and I don’t even remember it! Later, I went to the library with my daughter. I was looking at the inside flap of my newly checked out book and it informed me that the author had a Ph.D from Harvard. I asked my daughter, “Wow, what would they put on my book, she went to school?” This reminded me of the episode where Kramer volunteered for the bachelor auction and Elaine announced him as, “He’s a high school graduate,” then he whispers to Elaine and she corrects herself, “Um, equivalency.”

Still later, we were watching Secret Life of the American Teenager on DVR. Some girl pulls out a condom turned towards the camera with big print that says CONDOM! My daughter said, “I don’t know if a generic condom is such a good idea.”
I said, “I’ll bet it’s blue.”
“Yeah,” my daughter said. “Like the ones Kramer gave George”

Friday, January 15, 2010

365 Seinfeld

My daughter just came home. I had fallen asleep on the couch. As she came in I woke up and rubbed my eyes..."Who is this?" I said all smart-alecky like Jerry does when one of the gang makes a frantic phone call to him. It's one of my daughter's favorite things that Jerry does.

Thursday, January 14, 2010

365 Seinfeld


The whole neck thing is really cramping my style. I was in a lot of pain today and it was difficult to get through my work day. I called my husband to leave him a message at work. It was even hard for me to talk. Later, when he called me back, he said my message reminded him of the low talker and maybe I was asking him to where the puffy shirt!

Wednesday, January 13, 2010

Leno vs Conan Part 2

Well, Conan showed a huge pair of cojones by issuing this statement yesterday:

People of Earth:

In the last few days, I've been getting a lot of sympathy calls, and I want to start by making it clear that no one should waste a second feeling sorry for me. For 17 years, I've been getting paid to do what I love most and, in a world with real problems, I've been absurdly lucky. That said, I've been suddenly put in a very public predicament and my bosses are demanding an immediate decision.
Six years ago, I signed a contract with NBC to take over The Tonight Show in June of 2009. Like a lot of us, I grew up watching Johnny Carson every night and the chance to one day sit in that chair has meant everything to me. I worked long and hard to get that opportunity, passed up far more lucrative offers, and since 2004 I have spent literally hundreds of hours thinking of ways to extend the franchise long into the future. It was my mistaken belief that, like my predecessor, I would have the benefit of some time and, just as important, some degree of ratings support from the prime-time schedule. Building a lasting audience at 11:30 is impossible without both.
But sadly, we were never given that chance. After only seven months, with my Tonight Show in its infancy, NBC has decided to react to their terrible difficulties in prime-time by making a change in their long-established late night schedule.
Last Thursday, NBC executives told me they intended to move the Tonight Show to 12:05 to accommodate the Jay Leno Show at 11:35. For 60 years the Tonight Show has aired immediately following the late local news. I sincerely believe that delaying the Tonight Show into the next day to accommodate another comedy program will seriously damage what I consider to be the greatest franchise in the history of broadcasting. The Tonight Show at 12:05 simply isn't the Tonight Show. Also, if I accept this move I will be knocking the Late Night show, which I inherited from David Letterman and passed on to Jimmy Fallon, out of its long-held time slot. That would hurt the other NBC franchise that I love, and it would be unfair to Jimmy.
So it has come to this: I cannot express in words how much I enjoy hosting this program and what an enormous personal disappointment it is for me to consider losing it. My staff and I have worked unbelievably hard and we are very proud of our contribution to the legacy of The Tonight Show. But I cannot participate in what I honestly believe is its destruction. Some people will make the argument that with DVRs and the Internet a time slot doesn't matter. But with the Tonight Show, I believe nothing could matter more.
There has been speculation about my going to another network but, to set the record straight, I currently have no other offer and honestly have no idea what happens next. My hope is that NBC and I can resolve this quickly so that my staff, crew, and I can do a show we can be proud of, for a company that values our work.
Have a great day and, for the record, I am truly sorry about my hair; it's always been that way.

So he took my advice and told NBC to shove it! Good for you Conan. I haven’t seen balls like this in television since Dave Chappelle walked away from his Comedy Central show. Look, you Leno-lovers can save all your “Leno is a nice guy” crap too. In my opinion, the ball is in his court. Conan manned up and now Leno needs to acquiesce here. He was the one who was supposed to retire. Leno is mucking up the cogs of late night!

The backlash will be huge. No one is going to watch Leno if they give The Tonight Show back to him. He can’t get away with playing innocent; he’s greedily had that slot for too long. Johnny Carson took lots of time off and let other people guest host for him. Many careers were started that way. I believe one of those was Jay Leno’s. Leno hosted every night for over sixteen years and never wanted to give anyone else a shot. Now he refuses to retire and is making everyone miserable. I still don’t understand why NBC is willing to burn all their bridges to accommodate Leno. I don’t know anyone who watched him at 11:35 let alone his sucky 10 pm show. In my house, if his show starts at 10 and no one turned the channel, we all scream and dive for the remote! Leno is not going to move NBC forward in the comedy realm.

Conan continues to put on a quality show through all of this upheaval. But don’t think for a minute that I haven’t noticed him sticking it to NBC. Ever since this whole thing started, Conan has gone back to putting his hips on a string. He used to do that every night on Late Night with Conan O’Brien. Since he moved up to The Tonight Show, I’ve noticed it was by request only. I always figured that NBC told him he had to be classier at 11:35. It sure doesn’t look like he cares about any of that now. If you’re going, you’re going out on your own road.

NBC also needs to take into account that now Conan is hot! I don’t just mean hot topic, I mean sexy hot! When Conan fell during a Tonight Show taping and had a concussion, I certainly didn’t expect to see him hosting the very next night. But there he was, on the stage, cracking jokes. I thought, “Wow, this guy is tough.’ Suddenly, Conan was just a little bit hotter to me. Now this? A man who stands up for his beliefs and principals, no matter what the consequences? That’s smokin’ hot! NBC would be wise to hold on to him, but hey Conan, I’ll follow you anywhere!

365 Seinfeld


I’m watching an H&R Block commercial and they show a couple put a nasty sofa on the curb. The voiceover says, “Did we just make a charitable donation?” Well first of all, I think you need a receipt, but anyway…

I said to my daughter, “No one is going to pick up that pee stained sofa. Ya know, like when Poppi peed on Jerry’s sofa. She didn’t know about that! I also had to inform her that George took that pee-stained sofa and Mr. Costanza innocently slept on it once.

Tuesday, January 12, 2010

365 Seinfeld


I’m having a horrible neck attack today. I took a muscle relaxer and I really need to go to bed. I’m so grateful that forces allow me to combine 365 Seinfeld and Idol Chatter today. I missed the beginning of the American Idol premiere, but at 2 hours, I think I took in enough. Towards the end, they had a very nice male singer that Simon found boring. I thought his voice was smooth and soothing. I was describing this to my daughter and I said, “I can’t see a man…sing a song.” That’s what Jerry told Elaine about seeing the Mel Torme concert. Double whammy. Homerun. I’m going to bed.

Monday, January 11, 2010


Spending the WHOLE day at the movies

I did not want to be the first to see James Cameron’s epic Avatar. To be honest, after I sat through the quite confusing trailer all summer, I was convinced it would be a huge flop. However, since he’s the king of the world and all, I was wrong.

The beginning of last week, we decided that Sunday would be the day to finally take in this two hour and forty five minute offering. At first the kids didn’t want to go, but by Sunday, six of us plopped down a whopping $60 bucks, (it was a bargain showing, thankfully) received our ginormous 3-D specs and settled in for a long ride.

Yes, it was visually stunning, and I actually did enjoy the story line. Thankfully it was not as confusing as it appeared in the previews. I liked some of the messages that underscored the film, but once again I wanted to yell for an editor! Trimming 30 minutes of this film would clock it in at two hours and fifteen minutes, and that’s still a long movie!

The backs of my ears hurt, the glasses were weighing heavy on my nose and I found myself holding the glasses out in front of me for the last twenty minutes. I understand that you want to show all your cool tricks of technology and that when investors pony-up millions of dollars, you want to make them feel like they got their money’s worth. However, I hardly doubt that James Cameron screened this flick wearing the same clunky glasses I did, while on the first day of his period! So, suffice to say, it was a chore to sit through this thing, but in the end, I’m glad I saw it.

I appreciated that Na’vi people had full knowledge of the humans’ presence. I don’t agree with the notions that the film had racist undertones. The lead actor could have been any nationality; unfortunately, Hollywood still tends to go white more often than not. You’re looking at it the wrong way though if you view the message as the white male lead needs to save the Na’vi people. He has to lead the way because only someone from the enemy side could understand the magnitude of the attack that was about to come down. The Na’vi people did their own ass kicking! How could they comprehend that anything so reprehensible would take place? It was not in their belief system that other beings could be so cruel.

See this on the big screen. Block out a whole day, because you’ll probably have a headache afterward. Now, I didn’t walk away thinking this was an Academy Award Winning Best Picture, but maybe I’m wrong again!

365 Seinfeld


Driving back to the office on my lunch hour, I spotted a car with a sticker in the window saying “Cramik.” A Google search reveals this is a site for skimboards. I have no idea what those are. I’m guessing it’s similar to body surfing? Anyways, it made me shout out…Kramerica Industries! That’s the one where Kramer gets an apprentice and they fill the giant ball with oil Heeelllloooo!

Sunday, January 10, 2010

365 Seinfeld


My brother-in-law stayed over this weekend. He was telling my husband that it’s been difficult to sleep at his house lately because the house across the way has an extremely bright outside light shining into his bedroom window. This, over course, made us immediately think of the episode where Kramer can’t sleep because of the Kenny Rogers chicken light. My husband listened to his brother with compassion, then murmured…Kenny!

Saturday, January 9, 2010

365 Seinfeld


Over breakfast my husband commented, “These apples are crunchy!” This, of course, made me respond, “These pretzels are making me thirsty!”

Friday, January 8, 2010

Conan vs Leno

Hey NBC, you suck!

Well the rumors started to swirl yesterday, but most of it was coming from TMZ, so I hoped it was wrong. Today the word became official. NBC is cancelling Leno’s 10 p.m. show and moving him back to 11:35! This means Conan and Fallon get pushed back one hour.

Whose idea is this? I’m convinced that Leno has some very incriminating information on someone. Why else would they keep trying to please this old-hat, over-stayed his welcome, unfunny guy?

As I’ve mentioned before, I’m old. I grew up watching Carson and I still remember when NBC screwed Letterman. It’s horrible that they are doing this all over again with the likable, hysterical Conan. Conan O’Brien just moved his show, crew and family all the way across the country; they sort of have him by the balls. When Leno took over the Tonight Show, I had already made the switch to Letterman. The handful of times I watched Leno – mostly because the guest was Harrison Ford – I didn’t care for his style of humor. He falls in the America’s Funniest Home Video category of simple, non-offensive humor. People can watch that if that is what floats their boats, but it’s not for me.

Over the last few years, I stopped watching the network’s late night shows altogether. I made the switch to The Daily Show/Colbert Report combo, and would usually fall asleep before Colbert brought out his guest.

When I heard about Conan finally taking over the coveted time slot, I was interested. Then I found out Max and La Bamba were on board, and Andy Richter was back…I jumped in with both feet. I watch Conan every night and laugh my butt off. My teenage daughter also finds the show funny. So I would have to wonder, if NBC spent their promotional budget on Conan instead of Leno, would the ratings be so low?

Also, NBC has been lagging behind as a network for quite some time now. What has worked recently is comedy. The Office and 30 Rock have led the way for great new shows like Community and Parks and Recreation. Here’s the thing: Conan’s humor and wit matches those shows, while Leno’s doesn’t.

Although I do not like Leno’s humor, he seemed like a nice guy. That opinion has changed. I now see Leno has a greedy attention seeker, who doesn’t care who he hurts as long as the spotlight is on him. Even if he is a workaholic, couldn’t he perform stand-up 365 days a year in Vegas or something? Dude, your day in the sun is over! Step aside and let others have their turn. You’re tainting everything. And don’t use the excuse of money or shiny network promises; you don’t have to let them lure you in. Chappelle taught us that you can walk away.

Sadly, I don’t think Conan has a choice here. I’d like to tell him that he should tell NBC to shove it, but he probably has to sit tight and ride it out. I remember when the unknown Conan first took over the vacated burned Letterman spot. That was back when Arsenio Hall shared a large chunk of the late night pie. I said that Arsenio was too trendy and would fall out of favor soon. I also believed that if NBC left Conan alone, he’d have time to slowly hone his craft and grow his own following. Conan has worked hard for the network and I can only hope this new move is some type of inside, covert operation to make Leno quit of his own free will.

My advice to Jimmy Fallon, “Don’t believe anything they tell ya kid; it’s all lies!”

365 Seinfeld


My husband usually texts me from BART to let me know that he’ll be home from work soon. I received his text after taking a Motrin and putting a heat wrap around my neck. My head was throbbing and I was not feeling well. I sent a text warning him that because of my neck flare-up, there was no tasty dinner waiting. I suggested he pick something up for himself. He sent a text saying that he’d see how he felt once he got off the train. I sent this text back: “Whatever you decide, because I love my little kiki.” The reply: “What’s a kiki?” I had to remind him that Susan said that to George in The Soup Nazi episode. Although my husband has a better memory than me, I think I’d whip his ass in Seinfeld Scene It. We might play next week.

Thursday, January 7, 2010

365 Seinfeld


Well, by bedtime last night, I was up to five references. At this point, I would have to quit my job to keep up with writing them all down. Today was similar, but I’ll spare you and only choose one.

I came home from work to find my daughter nursing my dog’s paw. He apparently banged into something and bent one of his toenails completely to the side. I called the vet. I'm considering taking him in, but soon he was running around like his old self. I went to the drug store and purchased gauze and hydrogen peroxide. I don’t want the vet to yank out his nail and make it worse. What to do…I held his head in my hands and asked, “Why don’t you just tell what to do?” I used my Kramer Moviefone voice. He didn't answer. Right now he seems fine. We’re keeping a close eye on him.

Wednesday, January 6, 2010

365 Seinfeld


It appears that my husband is the source for most of the Seinfeld references. Today he called to inform me that my latest Netflix movie arrived.
“What movie is this?”
“Medicine for Melancholy”
“What?” he said. “Never heard of it.”
“It’s an independent film, two people just getting to know each other and wandering around San Francisco. It’s one of those flicks where nothing really happens.”
“It’s a movie about nothing?”
“Yeah, well probably.”
“It’s about NOTHING! Something happens…no nothing happens!”
At this point I told him, “I get it. You’re George when they were pitching the pilot to NBC.”

Thanks hubby!

Tuesday, January 5, 2010

365 Seinfeld

I usually call my husband around 10 am each morning to make sure he arrived at work okay and to see what’s up for the day. Today my hubby talked about working extra hard this year. I’m not really sure how this differs from all the years before. I told him, “You know, everyone knows by now how hard you work, your stuff is out there.” His reply, “I’m out there Jerry and I’m loving every minute of it!” This of course refers to the episode when Kramer tries to switch to boxers to increase his sperm count. He can’t make the transition and to everyone’s dismay, ends up wearing no underwear at all.

Song of the Week

I’ve decided to pick up Song of the Week once again. I’m laying some great tunes on you guys. I’d take notice if I were you! This week is from the briefly formed British band “The Communards.” Their biggest hit was a cover of Thelma Houston’s Don’t Leave me This Way. This is my all time favorite disco song and I was quite resistant to a cover, however this 1986 club hit came through. It’s a bit dated sounding, but it definitely evokes that fun 80’s vibe and still makes you want to dance. Get out on that dance floor girl!

Monday, January 4, 2010

365 Seinfeld


My daughter had her first driving lesson today. It was okay. She realized it’s a lot harder than she thought. When I came home from work we talked. I have to take her out on the road to practice. I asked her if she felt like, “Now I’m driving the bus!” One of my all time favorite Kramer quotes from when he saves the pinky toe. I quote this one a lot, so get use to it.

Pearl Jam - Just Breathe

I actually resisted posting this version of "Just Breathe." This live Austin City Limits performance is not nearly as awful as the actual CD track. I've never been a fan of Pearl Jam,they're okay and have had some good songs over the years. Recently, I really enjoyed the solo work Eddie Vedder did for the Into The Wild movie. Let's been honest though, this song is horrible! The first time my son and I heared this on the car radio, we completely froze. We were both waiting for the same thing, for it to be a joke. It had to be. But no, this is a real song. Sigh!

Sunday, January 3, 2010

365 Seinfeld - Day Three


It didn’t come till 6 p.m., but it came! I went to visit a friend today, so I knew the Seinfeld reference would be tough. I don’t recall my friend and I having conversations about Seinfeld. Later, when I returned home, my husband and I took the dog for a walk and then decided to chat over a latte. We enjoyed our coffee and then popped into Half Price Books. I was looking for some affordable calendars. I found a great week-at-a-glance type that would be great for tracking my blog posts. I happily paid the $3.98 and told my husband, “Man, that calendar is going to be awesome! It’s scratching me right where I itch!”
Kramer said that line, but I’m a bit cloudy on the episode. I think it was the one where Kramer and Morty Seinfeld decide to sell the raincoats together. Am I right?

Sherlock Holmes

Thanks, I’ll pass

Look, I’m going to be honest with you. This pic is the main reason I went to see Sherlock Holmes. Robert Downey Jr. has managed to give us several decades of hotness, not to mention fantastic acting performances.

Downey did not disappoint, but many other aspects of the film did. I have to place the blame with the director, Guy Ritchie. He seems like would rather be a member of Fight Club than make a good movie. All his movies have dudes engaging in bloody fights. The adorable Rachel McAdams was completely wasted to the point where I wonder if Ritchie simply didn’t know what to do with a chick!

What did work was Jude Law as Watson. Law tends to be a forgettable actor for me. However, when I see him on the screen, he always delivers a top-notch performance. The chemistry between Law and Downey was the best part of the film.

The scenery was rich and authentic looking. Everything looked and felt believable, but at a running time of 2 hours and 14 minutes, I found myself screaming for an editor. This, once again, brings up the excessive fight scenes. I decided that I could sneak in a little snooze during one of the extended brawls and guess what? I opened my eyes and quickly picked up the story without having missed anything I needed to understand the plot.

Of course the end of the picture hinted at a sequel, and I’m sure they’ll make one. I’ll be torn. Maybe if they bring in another director, or if you can promise me better pacing. If not, I’m afraid I’ll have to save my $10 bucks and nap at home.

Saturday, January 2, 2010

365 Seinfeld - Day Two


Often there is a fear that when you make something “official” it will disintegrate before your eyes. Hours floated by today with no Seinfeld references. Did I curse myself? Would it all end now? By 9 p.m. I was blessed with not one, but three. Here’s the breakdown:

I was grocery shopping with my husband and we picked over the 50% off Christmas items shelf. I look over at my hubby, who’s holding up a red knitted cap…in the grocery store? He says to me, “I like this hat.” He used this weird voice. I crinkled my nose: “What?”
“Remember when Kramer wanted those Cuban cigars and he had to trade his jacket? That guy touched his jacket and said, ‘I like this jacket.’”

I was done. Whew! This experiment was going to work. I relaxed and prepared for my son’s evening basketball game. During the game, I sat next a co-players dad and daughter. The daughter was playing some weird video game for her Nintendo DSI. She was able to take pictures and stretch them or place obscure templates around them. She took I picture of her dad and placed his face on a king playing card. When I looked over, the dad said to me, “Look, I’m the King!” I laughed and said, “I’M THE KING!” In the same tone as “I’m THE WIZ!” Wow, twice in one day!

On our return home I began making muffins to take to my friend’s house tomorrow. I pulled out some muffin paper liners. I grabbed the first ones I found. They were Winnie the Pooh. When my daughter came over to see what I was making she saw the muffin liners and exclaimed, “Pooooh!” Just like Elaine when she’s stupid and she’s trying to do the crossword puzzle.

Since I was bombarded with so many references today, I thought I should post this. If I wait till the end of the week, it will be WAY too long!

365 Seinfeld

I was right. I couldn’t pull myself away from The Twilight Zone marathon long enough to write a New Year’s Day post. Oh well…in the end I made the right choice. It’s only once a year that the Syfy network rolls those out, so I must indulge myself

Now we’re here with a new year – heck, a new decade- and Colleenie’s Couch is going to up the ante. You can still take a seat on the couch and get great TV, movie, book and music reviews, but I’m adding several new regular features that I think you’ll enjoy.

I already mentioned that this is the place to be when American Idol revs up again later this month. My regular feature “Idol Chatter” will be a great forum to discuss and diss all the current contestants. Believe me, I have lots of opinions and advice. It’s my firm belief that the show should have hired me instead of Ellen!

Another new feature will be 365 Days with Seinfeld. Seinfeld is just hands down the best sitcom ever. My husband and I loved this show when it originally aired. Now my oldest child regularly watches the repeats and even my youngest pops in now and again. This show really has staying power! I began to notice that we make lots of Seinfeld references. It got me thinking, “I’ll bet we don’t get through a 24 hour period without quoting Seinfeld.” Once I started to pay attention, I realized I was right. Within one day, we’ll either quote it, or something will happen to make me refer back to the show.

So here we go. I’m unveiling 365 Seinfeld. This is a completely organic experiment to see how many days in 2010 I will quote, think and encounter Seinfeld references. I don’t want to bombard you with a daily post, so my thought is to post a week’s worth each Friday. As we go along, maybe this will change. If you would also like to post your Seinfeld occurrences, please feel free.

Now, much like the episode The Contest, we all have to be comfortable within the confines of the honor system. I’m no George. I’ll be completely honest about my days. If I honestly get through a whole day with no reference, I will let you know. This is only an experiment. There is no medal or anything at the end of the year. However, wouldn’t that be awesome? What would be a great Seinfeld trophy? Maybe that blue lady statue George broke as a kid? How about a Tweety Bird Pez dispenser? Or a poster signed by “the other one” of The Three Tenors?

Let’s get started then, shall we? As previously mentioned, yesterday was all about The Twilight Zone Marathon. It was afternoon, I was still in my pj’s and I was doing load after load of laundry. I knew at some point I was going to have to get dressed and go grocery shopping. With the kids on school break, they’ve been eating me out of house and home. Still, I was in a laundry groove and didn’t want to go out in public. The afternoon drug on and I knew I had to get it in gear. I looked at my husband and said, “But I don’t wanna go grocery shopping!” It was the best Jerry whine I could muster. My husband replied, “I don’t wanna be a pirate!” My daughter, who was at the computer, chuckled. “Puffy shirt!” we all exclaimed.

So begins 2010. Right now I’m the only one awake. It’s unlikely I’ll get a Seinfeld reference now, but it’s not impossible! I have fourteen hours to go!